Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
