I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
