I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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