Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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