Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I enjoy the company of your penis
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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