Betty ford says i'm here all night
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
