then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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