Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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