There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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