Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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