U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
