Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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