You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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