1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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