my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
