guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
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i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
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Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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