So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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