Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
