is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
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All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
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Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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