I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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