he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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