arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
