i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
