You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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