Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
