Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
