he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
