Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
