Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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