I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
two words...techno handjob
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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