Jerry, you need to find god
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
