I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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