I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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