the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
