They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
