Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
