If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
