I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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