Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
