Cold hands, warm shart.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
