We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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