omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
