At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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