Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
