Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
