considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
