he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
