don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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