I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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