This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
