can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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