Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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