So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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