allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just threw up on my dentist
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
