So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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