I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
